Falsa Queen

There are some mornings when the universe conspires against you. Whatever you do, no matter how early you wake up, you will still be late. You wake up at 8 in the morning, thinking “wow I’m up early.” But by mistake you end up waking your mum who wants to tell you about her day, then tries on clothes she’s bought on sale, then makes sure you eat the breakfast that will take the longest to chew as opposed to your glass of juice. Then somehow you rush to get to work, the songs are fabulous on the radio today because you are too busy worrying, and then comes the Governor with his protocol cars. You are stopped for a good three minutes. And the driver misses an exit.

What’s worse is that you do actually tell your colleague, I was late because my mum wanted to try out her new loot.Thank God it’s a long weekend. *A happy, klutzy dance.*

I have some words that I love. Their texture, the sound, the feel on my tongue. They are sensuous and sensible words and I want to keep them in writing.

Sprezzatura (Italian) – 1) A certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make what one does or says appear to be without rffort and almost without thought. 2) A form of defensive irony: the ability to disguise what one really desires, feels, thinks and means or intends behind a mask of apparent reticence and nonchalance.

Saudade [Sao-daa-jhey] (Portugese) 1) Happysad. 2) Vague and constant desire for something that doesn’t and probably cannot exist. A turning towards the past or the future.

Heart-to-heart 1) An intimate converstation.

And I bought 9 books, 2 amongst them were brandnew from Liberty. Ordered 13 online. I have not even completed a single one. :/

I want to, on some days or weeks, make these “things I’m grateful for today” lists. I just read other people’s lists and they make me delirious with joy. Maybe not delirious but you get it.

1) My brand new gorgeous kola puris which K got from Lahore, even though it’s a small consolation for having missed that trip, but this has to be love. I love these guys and their random Lahore fun stories (but they can do away with some extremely fun ones.)

2) This guy at work who gives me green tea, in my own mug. The thing is he can talk but he doesn’t make any small effoort to carry out a conversation, yet he’s pleasant. I mean I did see his lips move once or twice. But the tea is ghhhooood.

3) This Saturday is off. Drum roll, confetti and nonalcoholic booze. I can sleep in, on a cold morning. Isn’t it amazing?

And I have a job, had it for over a week now but have been too lazy to post. MashAllah. Alhamdulillah. Something I have been wanting to do for long, will start going to work in January. I’m a little excited now, finally. Been empty for too long.

Please say a prayer for yourself, me and the people who got injured today in Nazimabad blast. May He protect us all.

I was speaking to a friend of mine A today and we were having a heart to heart about things that matter. Like faith, family, love and hope. We spoke about how blessed we are. Our families love us, our breaths aren’t laboured, our hearts sometimes fill with fear and our eyes moisten with tears. Allah has been so kind, He gives us without asking. While the words are forming somewhere within us, our prayers keep coming true. Allah has made everything possible. I miss how I used to feel about faith, about life. I think about going back to the level of ima’an I had long time ago. One can never retrace their steps on sand. One cannot re-create that which is lost. But one can move forward with the belief in Him, that miracles will happen, butterflies will flutter, sun will shine and warm, gooey happiness will envelop us. It will happen, to you and to me.

Recite,

Subhanallahe wabihamdihi subhanallahil adhe’em.

Astaghfirullah

Allah ho AKbar

La illaha illah Muhammad ur rusool ul lah.

One of these days, I will have all the answers. I will see what snow feels like. I will feel free to walk, to sit, to read or not read, for no reason at all. One of these days I will not be haunted but seduced into nostagia. One of these days there will be no nostalgia, no memories, only faint cryptic smiles. One of these days smoking won’t be fun. I am waiting for that day to come.

It’s over. I’m alive and well.

Meet the GRADUATE (or so I think, results on tuesday). Big fat MashALLAH for me. Yay!!!!

Eid Mubarak to all you wonderful people. Wishing you lots of happiness, remember me in your dua’as.

I know I crib, about my unhealthy eating habits (but they are quite delicious , hello strawberry cheesecake, chocolate and pepperoni pizza?) and this time I am really inshAllah going to do something about it. That’s why I want to put it in writing.  There have been lovely goals to achive at the end of the seemingly never ending tunnel and promises to friends which I can’t squeeze out of.

Things to do.

- Eat healthy food.

- Have breakfast.

- Drink water.

- More than half of the meal should be uncooked. Like fresh fruits and veggetables.

- No colas. Bye bye coke.

- Chocolate once a week, two bricks maybe. Cut me some slack?

- Gym religiously.

So if my updates are diet related, please don’t hate me. I must conquer this.

And I would love to be here. I just can’t get over this place.